We start the Top 7. You finish the Top 10.
The genre doesn't seem to matter anymore, every movie seems to boil down to the onscreen pair. Even supernatural movies like Twilight thrive on the romance aspect. Forget the plot, forget the jokes, it's all about the chemistry onscreen. You either have it or you don't. It's too early to tell, but looks like Jennifer Aniston and Gerard Butler's latest outing is going to be another dud for this exact reason. Besides Marley and Me, Aniston hasn't shined on the big screen, and we can chalk that one up to a dog. This time she's opposite Butler and nothing against him, but the two just don't seem to click like you want from your onscreen couple.
In honor of what I'm expecting to be some pretty nauseating chemistry in The Bounty Hunter, I'm counting down what I consider to be the Top 7 Bad Couple Chemistry Movies in my lifetime.
7. Basic Instinct (1992)
Recap: Sharon Stone plays bisexual sex kitten to Michael Douglas's hardworking cop. After Catherine Trammell (Stone) becomes the number one suspect in Det. Nick Curran''s (Douglas) murder investigation, a tense sexual game of cat and mouse ensues. Is Trammell the killer? Although it seems obvious throughout the entire movie, evidently this one's a mystery. Reason: The murder isn't the only mystery in this movie. Sexual chemistry between someone as hot as Sharon Stone (in all of her accidental flashing glory) falling for someone like Michael Douglas? The affection between the two requires a lot of suspension of disbelief and plays a pivotal role in the film's climax, but this one's still lost on me. But then again, so is how Douglas bagged real-life hottie Catherine Zeta-Jones.
6. Star Wars Episode II & Episode III (2002 & 2005)
Recap: Once again good girl falls for bad guy. Good girl dies, which leaves bad guy with no reason to try to be good anymore, and the rest is history. Padme (Natalie Portman) inexplicably falls for Anakin (Hayden Christensen) in an odd turn of events. Reason: The combination of, well, just about everything in episodes I – III doesn't help this love story. Portman, who I normally love, seems wooden in this role and Hayden Christensen never really stops being an emo bitch. So tell me, where's the love? This love story isn't exactly one for the ages and can be pretty much written off as Lucas trying to milk the franchise.
5. Alex & Emma (2003)
Recap: In what is possibly one of the most forgettable romantic ventures in recent history, Alex (Luke Wilson) and Emma (Kate Hudson) are brought together by fate in order for her to help him finish his novel. It's told “amusingly” with the two actors appearing in all of Alex's work, in case we weren't getting the hint. Reason: Kate Hudson is pretty much the queen of the disastrous rom-com. Sure, she's had some good ones (How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days is at least amusing) but they're few and far between. And this is nothing against Luke Wilson, he's simply not romantic lead material. You want an awkward guy with neuroses? Sure, that's Luke Wilson, but dashing? I'm having some trouble buying it.
4. Did You Hear About the Morgans? (2009)
Recap: Estranged couple (Sarah Jessica Parker and you guessed it, Hugh Grant) are forced to relocate after they witness a mob hit. When they're relocated to the country, hilarity ensues and sparks fly. The only thing I remember thinking after reading the plot synopsis was, “really?” Reason: First off, let's stop casting Parker as the sophisticated New Yorker, okay? She's from Ohio! I've just never bought into it, not even Sex in the City. And Hugh Grant? He may still be British, but it's stopped being charming. There's a surprising amount of talent required for the “divorce comedy” as it's called. Parker never stops whining and Hugh Grant just seems to be phoning it in. Maybe it's time to retire? I don't know, just a helpful suggestion.
3. New in Town (2009)
Recap: Smart and sassy businesswoman (Renee Zellweger) from the big city slums it in a small Minnesota town where she finds love with a charming yokel (Harry Connick Jr.). Reason: Ignoring the botox, the condescension of this character is so annoying as she constantly judges the hard-working people from the small Minnesota town for living their lives differently. When she finally does hook up with the hot townie, there's just no redemption. I get it, it's supposed to be a whole “opposites attract” thing which works for some movies, but Zellweger has about as much appeal here as a potato.
2. Excess Baggage (1997)
Recap: An immature, spoiled brat (Alicia Silverstone) throws a tantrum and locks herself in the trunk of her own car. Problem is, she never counted on a thief (Benicio Del Toro) stealing that car. Reason: Has Stockholm Syndrome ever seemed like a good idea for a romantic comedy? Because, just throwing this out there, it really isn't. The whole time, I got the distinct feeling that Silverstone wasn't really acting and was really just that obnoxious girl. As time goes on, I found myself secretly hoping that air was running out in that trunk just to make the movie end.Throw in the age difference between her and Del Toro (at least in terms of appearance) and it gets creepier by the minute.
1. I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007)
Recap: Two dudes (Adam Sandler & Kevin James) pretend to be married in order to secure benefits. All this is thrown in jeopardy when Chuck (Sandler, just so we're clear) begins to fall for the lawyer who's on their side. The whole premise is that they have to make their marriage believable, but I never believed it and much more importantly, I never laughed once. Reason: How does nearly two hours of stereotypes and one-note characters sound to you? Naturally, it wasn't that great. It showed real promise, especially considering how topical the subject matter. In the end, it's hard to believe nobody sees through them earlier. Then again, Sandler having chemistry with just about anybody is disturbing enough, then you throw Kevin "Mall Cop" James into the equation. It could have been an impressive satire with two other leads (Jason Segel or Neil Patrick Harris wouldn't have been so bad), but falls even shorter than expected.