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9 Directed by: Shane Acker Cast: Elijah Wood, John C. Reilly, Christopher Plummer Running Time: 1 hr. 19 mins Rating: PG-13 Release Date: September 9, 2009

COMPLETE 9 COVERAGE Chris De Salvo and Morrow McLaughlin battle it out in HE SAID/SHE SAID … 9 De Salvo’s scorecard review of 9 (3/10) McLaughlin’s scorecard review of (9/10) Plot: In a world where humans have met their demise at the hand of mischievous, mysteriously violent machines, a new hope is found in several numerical creatures. Amidst a deathly silent, tattered terrain, these new heroes strive to stay alive. Though their plight is strong, a long-dormant evil stirs once again, wreaking havoc on their attempts to once again bring peace to a tranquility-starved planet.

Who’s It For? Not for children. This is a animated film about the end of the world, and it doesn't hold back on horrific imagery. Those interested in witnessing a post-judgement day Earth, will be delighted. It's more for those who rely on FEELING a sense of loss over obligatory visual carnage to represent a fallen human race.

Expectations: Anything Tim Burton's attached to insists we expect an unorthodox visual stunner. Based on the ambiguity-laden trailers, I had no idea what the premise of this film would be. It certainly looked like a bleak depiction of the future, but hardly gave me reason to expect anything less than a film that would test the limits of my patience before (hopefully) answering all my questions before film's end.

SCORECARD (0-10)

Actors:

Elijah Wood as #9: Wood's voice still captures a certain sense of youthful naivety. Though the actor's now in his late-twenties, there's so much innocence in his diction. 9 isn't Frodo, though. This is neither human nor hobbit. There may have been a handful of actors who could've given us a suitable voice, but Wood's nailed it in one sense: There's hope in his voice. This film refuses to submit to traditional presentations in many ways, but with 9, it at least gives us a character who refuses to admit demise may be an inevitability. Score: 5

John C. Reilly as #5: These are characters whose age is suitably represented by number. Reilly's #5 is four models older than Wood's #9, and it's obvious not only in physical depiction, but in brain capacity and general maneuverability. Reilly's familiar "aw-shucks" vocals lend an every-man feel to a character stuck in the middle of the pack of protagonists. He's easily convinced against his better judgment, and always stands up for those who he knows would do the same for him. A very "American" character who you root for despite that "why is he doing this" feeling in your gut. Still, you're annoyed in the end because you're not sure whether you accept his fate, or need a better explanation as to why you're supposed to care in the first place. Score: 4

Christopher Plummer as #1: Though it's delivered in vastly intermittent doses, Plummer's #1 provides very necessary helpings of comic relief. As the oldest, "wisest" member of the task force in question, he's fittingly reluctant to side with the others, and promote any retaliation against evil. He'd rather stay in the bunkers for an eternity than try and fight the evil lurking around every corner. This would likely be your least favorite character is the rest of them were fighting for something tangible, but in the end, you're still not sure what this movie's about. As a result, he's #1 in my book. I'd rather laugh than stare blankly at the big screen, absolutely lost and unsure how to make sense of the events transpiring before me. Score: 6

Talking: Plummer gets all the best lines (see above). The rest of the dialogue consists of template-driven protagonist-jargon. You realize you're supposed to be rooting for these heroes, but you're not sure why, or what significance lingers behind their ambition to thwart an enemy they don't understand. Score: 2

Sights: Best part of the film. An absolutely stellar visual representation of what the world would look like after the fall of human beings. Burton certainly had his hand in the character design, but it's the landscape of the place that reminds you of Hell AND Mardor at the same time. If only the plot were as thick and enriching as the terrain in question. Score: 8

Sounds: This film is like a Snickers candy bar. Laden with a great deal of filler, and really just a slew of empty calories that will get you through the next couple of hours. It's after the energy-charge has warn off that you realize that really wasn't a meal at all. Think of all your favorite cinematic action sequences. All the sounds you'd recognize from those (namely from The Matrix, or The Lord of the Rings) are there. It's just a shame they are wasted on a film that doesn't deliver in the end. Score: 2

PLOT SPOILERS

Best Scene: Um... How about the flashback sequences where we see the human's fall? I mean, it's sad to admit these are the "best" scenes, because they visualize such a terrible reality. However, nothing in the present warrants a superior tag. Somehow, our heroes find "others" who can reveal a film-strip look at the past. They don't speak, so much as utter some sort of code. Their archives reveal a look at how this post-apocalyptic reality came to be, and it's in these moments you're briefly subject to an attempt at meaning ... And then realize you're left searching for answers anyway.

Ending: Hollywood fluff. Just a total disregard for the intelligence of the audience. They defeat this... er... "thing," and their fallen comrades... er... "float" skyward. To Heaven? I don't know. Regardless of your religious beliefs (or mine), it's too ambiguous an ending to stand as a sufficiently satisfying conclusion.

Questions: Too many. What is this film about? Why was it made?

Rewatchability: Maybe for a tutorial in how to make a fake-world look amazing. However, I don't think any of your plot-related questions will be addressed after a second (or third) viewing.

OVERALL

The only reason this film is worth a look is this: It's a stunningly attractive animated marvel. Once you're "over" being visually wowed, though, you realize the plot can't shoulder the weight of such a presentation. Call me crazy, or old-fashioned, but I just like going to see a film that demands my attention AND proves it's worth my time. This isn't to say my time's any more valuable than any other film-goer, but I only recommend films that tell a story from beginning to end, without skimping on any essential details. In this case, there are so many holes in the plot it's shocking this movie stayed afloat long enough to get made in the first place. It looks expensive, which insists that enough big-wigs felt the story was worth telling. Here's my question: Who's running Hollywood, and how high have they been getting?

Final Score: 3/10

Sorority Row

He Said - She Said ... 9