Total Recall
Directed by: Len Wiseman
Cast: Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston
Running Time: 1 hr 58 mins
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: August 3, 2012
PLOT: A factory worker (Farrell) finds out he might actually be a spy when he tries to false memories through a system called "Rekall."
WHO'S IT FOR? If you're looking for bright light action movie megaplex escapism, staring at the marquee is cheaper than going to see this film. For those viewers who can no longer even pretend to be teenage boys, it's recommended to leave your memories of the original Total Recall back with the VHS copy you once owned.
EXPECTATIONS: Before this movie began, I tried to remember my one viewing of the original Total Recall, to which my memory was mostly blank. I'm sure Farrell isn't going to be doing any type of Arnold Schwarzenegger mimicking, but what about the film? How was Live Free or Die Hard director Len Wiseman going to adapt a PG-13 from Paul Verhoeven's legendarily violent original?
SCORECARD (0-10)
ACTORS:
Colin Farrell as Douglas Quaid/Hauser: Though the actor is divisive between those who can settle for him as an action hero and those who think he is boring in just about anything he touches, Farrell doesn't do anything in this anxious performance that completely loses our attention. Playing the uncertainties with some fidgety nature that recalls his popular take in In Bruges, this Farrell performance is only annoying when he's being a bossy hologram. Score: 4
Kate Beckinsale as Lori Quaid: There are two women in this movie. This is the crazy one. She is like that crazy ex of yours, except this one has guns and if you're not careful, gives deadly hugs. You trust her for one scene, and then the next time you see her she's trying to kill you. She will do anything to kill you, so adding an old lady friend (more on that below) to your escape from this crazy person isn't going to make her hunt you any less. Beckinsale, primed from Wiseman's Underworld movies, can certainly service the means of a generically executed action sequence. Score: 4
Jessica Biel as Melina: Then there's this woman, who has even less background than Lori. As you can guess, this is the good female character in Total Recall. She has some type of history with Doug Quaid, which includes the fact that in their earlier life they used to kiss when he had a beard. Like Lori, she too can hold her own, and can sometimes even be found saving our nervous hero from robots etc. Score: 4
Bryan Cranston as Cohaagen: Everybody who watches Breaking Bad are in for a little sad jolt when they see Cranston play a typical bad guy here, with a blond haircut more interesting than any of his intentions for governmental destruction. Though his presence over the story arc in the first two acts, Cohaagen comes into the third act with little menacing effect. Score: 3
TALKING: Dialogue doesn't support Total Recall, even in the case of simply trying to make sense of it all. Director Len Wiseman's go-to wise man Bill Nighy (from Underworld) peeks into the story to offer Douglas some words about knowing one's self, but none of it sticks in terms of significance. Score: 3
SIGHTS: Laborious special effects present a future of cluttered architecture in which buildings and various living levels are stacked on top of one another. The script doesn't divulge any socio-economic reasoning behind this set-up, so it's like a bunch of SFX worked really hard to make a complicated future look like the best kind of jungle gym. Meant to make visual contrast with these are Wiseman's shiny lens flares, which are easily the most obnoxious ones to be seen on-screen since J.J. Abrams made Star Trek. These reflecting lights, as they glare in the camera across the entire image, provide a visual experience that's more distracting than it is aesthetically efficient. Score: 7
SOUNDS: When bad things are going to happen, you can expect piano volume swells to serve as a heads-up. Speaking of pianos, Farrell pretends to play Beethoven's "The Tempest," which is a kind of neat way to activate a hologram. Score: 7
PLOT SPOILERS
BEST SCENE: Though the camera is basically yanking you around the room, the action sequence in which Quaid's inner-agent bursts out for the first time is a nice kick of adrenaline. Of course, it can be viewed out of context in the film's many trailers.
ENDING: Though this movie comes from the sci-fi movie age of Inception, it doesn't bother with mind-benders. It's over. No twists. It doesn't matter if it was all a dream or if it's reality. It's over.
QUESTIONS: If Quaid is used as an unknowing double-crosser, how much of his shenanigans (including shooting his friend Harry) are align with Cohaagen's plans? Without going to Rekall, would Quaid have been living a boring existence of being married to Kate Beckinsale and reading Bond books on his morning commute until he died? What's with calling the service "Rekall" and not "Recall"?
REWATCHABILITY: No, thanks.
OVERALL
If we judged movies by the same way in which cats judge laser pointers, by the shininess of the color and amount of chase it provides, Len Wiseman's Total Recall would probably definitely be the best movie of the year so far. Unfortunately, the universe doesn't function like this, so Total Recall will have to be what it is, a rabbit hole of silliness that makes an even worse case for itself the deeper you spelunk into its stupidity. Though it's based on a heady concept of the truth within self-identity, Total Recall deflates itself to being the "Flying Cars!" kind of science fiction action movie, where the brains of the script can't keep up with the ideas promoted by the architecture and technology laboriously created in certainly cool-looking special effects.
To the credit of the active cinematography and whoever planned out that multi-level elevator action sequence, there are moments of Total Recall that are slightly seductive, rescuing it from being a completely bland waste of time. Once Quaid's inner-agent is unearthed, the movie gets to have a little fun as a chase film, bouncing from large set piece to set piece as a TO'd Kate Beckinsale chases Colin Farrell and Jessica Biel. Eventually this speed reduces to stumbles, and the third act begins with our hero tied up, with his girl in captivity of the bad guys (and robots). You can let your movie memories fill in the rest.
FINAL SCORE: 4/10