We start the Top 7. You finish the Top 10.
It was back in early high school when my final Dungeons & Dragons campaign faded out — a newfound interest in the opposite sex helped to snuff out that particular fire. I suppose that’s a healthy transition for a 15-year old, but as it turned out, all I’d really accomplished was to trade in a “lifetime” of fictional success for a strong dose of real-life failure, after failure, after failure. But I’m not discouraged. With the success of the Harry Potter novels and films, it’s gotten at least a little more hip to admit to liking fantasy tales, and I can now openly take part in this fictional assembly of my cinematic spell-casting dream team, while still somehow managing to keep my head held high. So with that said, let’s get to it. Here are the TOP 7 Movie Wizards/Witches I’d Like On My Team …
7. AKIRO (Conan the Barbarian, Conan the Destroyer)
Recap: The wizened wizard of Asian persuasion from the Conan films.
Reason: He’s number seven for a reason, but heck, he’s got a certain charisma to him, doesn’t he? I’d love to have this guy around. He’s certainly the least powerful wizard on this list, but if I’m honest, I can feel my brain getting smarter just hearing him speak his worldly truisms. The only one I’d rather have give the team a pep talk is sitting at number one on the list.
6. SAMANTHA (Bewitched)
Recap: The lovely and secretive spell-caster of Columbia Pictures’ blunderous remake of the beloved 60’s sitcom Bewitched.
Reason: The reason is simple: I have the opportunity to have a witch that looks exactly like Nicole Kidman as part of my spell-casting dream team, and I’m gonna take it. I love the way she wrinkles her nose to cast a spell, it’s too cute.
5. TIM THE ENCHANTER (Monty Python and the Holy Grail)
Recap: One of John Cleese’s many wonderful characters of Monty Python and the Holy Grail fame — “There are some who call me…Tim?”
Reason: Tim the Enchanter, all-powerful provider of levity. How could one overlook the chance to have such a powerfully hilarious magician as Tim the Enchanter on one’s side. He can “summon fire without flint or tinder” — couple that with his ability to elicit a good hard belly laugh on cue, and that’s good enough for me — he’s in!
4. JARETH THE GOBLIN KING (Labyrinth)
Recap: The all-dancing, all-singing, sorta-powerful wizard responsible for the fun chaos the reigns in the world of 1986’s Labyrinth.
Reason: Jareth would entertain the rest of the team with song and dance, in a way that only Jareth could. He would keep the team’s spirits high with endless renditions of “Magic Dance.” Sure, he may be a mage of the darker variety, but I’m confident we could reign in his malevolence, as long as he was happily met with constant song requests. And if not, there’s a few wizards and witches on this list who could keep him in check.
3. WILLOW UFGOOD (Willow)
Recap: The hero of Ron Howard’s 1988 film Willow. The brilliant zero-to-hero fantasy tale penned by George Lucas.
Reason: I’ve selected Willow Ufgood for my dream team because of his charming naivete, his willingness to try new things, and his steadfastness in the face of adversity. He’s the shortest, most powerful mage in cinematic history. Plus, how many wizards have films named after them? <Ahem> other than Harry Potter, I mean.
2. HERMIONE GRANGER (Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows)
Recap: Through the past six Harry Potter films Hermione Granger has proven herself to be a genius-level spellcaster, honing her craft more and more with each successive adventure. Will she continue on with this trend in Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows? I just shook my magic eight-ball and it answered, “signs point to yes.”
Reason: She’s a powerful spell-caster, and she’s nice; a great combination. Her presence would light up this motley team of magi, and allow for a brighter general outlook — this is greatly needed in the world of witchcraft. Plus, she’s absolutely adorable, I love the nerdy type. Her very essence reminds me of exactly why I left the realm of Dungeons & Dragons.
1. GANDALF THE WHITE (Lord of the Rings)
Recap: Gandalf needs a recap? I’m sure everyone reading this list knows all about Gandalf, but if I must, he’s the grand old wizard from The Fellowship of the Ring, The Two Towers and The Return of the King, as well as the forthcoming Hobbit films.
Reason: Gandalf is noble, trustworthy and loving, not to mention all-powerful. He may forget who his friends are from time to time, but that’s all part and parcel with being a wizard of his age — and trans-dimensional traveling doesn’t help much with such. His super-human wizardry would prove a huge asset to the team, he’d be the constant purveyor of limitless wisdom. Perhaps more importantly, I’m feeling really good about my chances with either Samantha and Hermione. I mean, look at the guys on this list. Those years of D & D are finally going to pay off. Right?