Don’t Look Up Director: Fruit Chan

Rated: R

Opening: October 22, 2009

What happens when there is an unholy marriage between Japanese horror movies and the Americans who decide it’s time for a remake? All the fun of bathing with an electrical appliance, that’s what! Do YOU like people eating bloody eyeballs and evil babies falling right out of the womb? Because I sure as heck don’t! Someone must! Let’s find that someone and bludgeon them to death with the remake of Chakushin ari (One Missed Call).

And now we have the remake of Joyû-Rei, which translates to Don’t Look Up, for those of us who prefer less quality movies where you don’t have to read stuff at the bottom of the screen. Reading stuff is so passé! Especially when you can exchange it for American actors who use long pauses in the place of actual inflection:

“I….see…it….I….feel….it….snnnzzzzzz…”

At that rate, Don’t Look Up will be three years long and twice as painful. I hate to be a fuddy-duddy, but the message of this trailer seems to be “you’re always much better off with the original.”