quickcard review Saw VII 3D

Directed by: Kevin Greutert Cast: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Sean Patrick Flanery, Cary Elwes, Betsy Russell Running Time: 1 hr 50 mins Rating: R Release Date: October 29, 2010

PLOT: The legacy of the original Jigsaw (Bell) is still going on. One man (Flanery) is a Jigsaw survivor and has his own secrets that come to life. Plus, there's a battle for the new killer to be caught.

WHO'S IT FOR? Those who have weathered the storm to get to part seven of this franchise ... and no one else.

OVERALL

It's a soap opera. That's what Saw is. Sure, there will be many blue-haired old ladies who disagree with me, but I'm right on this one. After all, I grew up being stuck watching "All My Children" with my mom, I'm an expert. You might be thinking I'm talking about the saga of Jigsaw, how he became a killer and how everything is connected in this crazy mixed up movie world I'm talking about. That would be only half the battle.

Before Thursday, October 28, 2010, I had never seen a Saw. I'll admit, I wore it like a badge of honor. Being a film critic means getting stuck watching some movies you'd rather not. Especially when you're working for a newspaper (which I have done in the past) and working for a TV station (which I do now). I don't care for torture porn and that's what everyone told me this franchise was all about. Before I saw the final Saw, I figured I'd finally go back to the beginning. I watched the original Saw right before Saw VII 3D. Here's what I thought: Surprisingly few scares, not great acting and one good idea. The one good idea was two guys stuck in a room, with a few clues and death on the line. After all Carey Elwes is fantastic when death is on the line (see The Princess Bride). My fellow film critic and co-host of Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider quickly filled me in on Saw 2-6 and then it was off to the movies.

Now, back to my soap opera comment. The acting is terrible. It's jilted, obvious, amateurish and most of all ... it does nothing to put us in these god awful situations. You can't relate. Not once person gives a quality performance. Only Elwes comes in for one quick scene and hams it up a little bit. Then, it's just slasher porn. Watch how someone can lose their eyes! You'll be amazed when someone gets stabbed in the throat! It's gross. That's the point. Plain and simple. I understand the humor of a film like Piranha 3D and how it uses gross for gags. I don't get the entertainment of having someone's lower intestines spill on the floor if we're never asked to understand, relate, care or worry about the person involved.

There seems to be multiple stories in Saw VII 3D and they supposedly connect ... just like soap operas! On one hand, the man who is now playing Jigsaw creates the most elaborate scheme possible just so he can get back to Jigsaw's wife Jill (Russell). Quick note on Russell, she's the worst movie runner I've seen this year. The Hollywood Running Team led by captains Tom Cruise and Matt Damon would kick her off in a second. There's also Bobby. He's put through the ringer because if there's one thing we've learned is, you don't cross Jigsaw. Look, I like games. Bobby is forced to try and save the people he cares about. But the only situation I found interesting was when Bobby had to try and guide his blind friend to safety. After seven films maybe they've just run out of ways to knock people off. The worst thing of all with this film and supposedly the entire franchise, is that somehow these Jigsaw survivors are better off. Now they see the world through a different perspective. They're thankful. This concept is borrowed from many things, one example being Fight Club. But here, with Saw ... it's crap. By this same logic I am even more grateful for films like Paranormal Activity and The Orphanage because I've now endured the horror of Saw VII 3D ... oh know, this franchise might have a point after all.

FINAL SCORE: 3/10