This is Jeff Bayer, and I don't update this site very often. If you'd like to listen to my current movie podcast you can find it at MovieBS.com.


Killers Directed by: Robert Luketic Cast: Ashton Kutcher, Katherine Heigl, Tom Selleck, Catherine O'Hara Running Time: 1 hr 40 mins Rating: PG-13 Release Date: June 4, 2010

PLOT: Spencer (Kutcher) is a great catch. At least that's what Jen (Heigl) thinks. Turns out he is a spy trying to get out of the business. After three years of the perfect suburban life, his cover is blown and every where he looks, someone he knows is trying to kill him.

WHO'S IT FOR? Do you want to turn off your brain, get one or two chuckles, look at pretty people, and then go to bed? Then save this to Netflix now.

EXPECTATIONS: Lionsgate didn't screen this one for critics, and that tends to never be a good thing. Heigl has rubbed me the wrong way, especially in The Ugly Truth. Kutcher is hit or miss, but taking him seriously as a hit man didn't seem likely.



Ashton Kutcher as Spencer: Kutcher, this is kind of your fault. But I don't see "spy" when I look at you. I see the guy from "Punk'd" or I see the goofy lead in A Lot Like Love or Valentine's Day. While he may have some of the moves down,  I'm not buying. They give him a back story as quickly as possibly (think Grosse Pointe Blanke) and want us to believe he just wants to settle down (like all super hot international spies). The problem is, while he acts like he loves his life, it's obvious he hates everyone around him, right? That never made sense. Also, spies can lie really well. Trust me, I've seen enough movies. So, Spencer's big job? Consultant? And it seems he struggles to come up with it. Jason Bourne and James Bond would not be impressed. Score: 4

Katherine Heigl as Jen: Izzy. Iz. What's going on. Why can't I appreciate your talents? I did at one point ("Grey's Anatomy") but I am very tired of the "I am a proper lady" routine. It doesn't fit. Whenever you shed that in this film, things work. Look Jen, you fell for the eye candy that is known as Spencer. He's your first non-nerd. Director Luketic has worked with Heigl twice (The Ugly Truth), and needs to stop. He can't create a great female character. Given the right material, I still believe Heigl can be funny, sweet and smart. You know, all the things Spencer tells us you are in this film. Score: 5

Tom Selleck as Mr. Kornfeldt: You know the rumor that contractually, John Travolta has to dance in every movie he's in? I think Selleck has the same thing, but with his mustache. It must be mentioned. Don't get me wrong, I heterosexually love his stache as much as the next guy. It's just his thing. His character, and the choices his character makes ... well, they make no sense. This especially is the part where you are supposed to turn off your brain. Score: 3

Catherine O'Hara as Mrs. Kornfeldt: She's comedy gold. One day, when she turns 88, she'll be hosting SNL just like Betty White. Her first lines, when she asks the flight attendant for three chardonnays ... that's funny. When you realize the only job she has in this movie is to drink. She's wasted. It's sad. Score: 3

TALKING: In true movie fashion, instead of trying to show Spencer and Jen fall in love through dialogue, they use a beach montage. Once Jen discovers Spencer's true identity, they start squabbling and bickering about everything they possibly can. Especially having babies. I think it took three minutes for Jen to run through every single pregnancy cliche. That could be a record. Here's an odd thing I noticed. Every side character brings up sex, or having sex, in some odd way. Like a script doctor said, "Trust me, simply refer to sex. Yup, every single character. It's gold." Score: 4

SIGHTS: Every fight sequence uses SCS (shaky camera syndrome). What's funny is, it looks like the camera is simply going up and down. It's one of the laziest I have seen. Nice, France looks nice. But that would be hard to mess up. Score: 4

SOUNDS: Look, I know Rushmore didn't invent the song "Ooh La La" by the Faces, but if Spencer did wish he knew what he knows know, when he was younger, that would mean at the age of ... 16 he'd realize being a spy won't give him the happiness he's seeking. Otherwise, the score is as basic as it comes. They cue the music five seconds before the action starts, so that way you don't have to think! Yeah! Who needs a brain? Score: 3


BEST SCENE: Not because of these characters, but because of these actors ... some of the bickering works. A little moment I liked was when Jen was curious just how many people Spencer has killed.

ENDING: Dueling mustaches. A somewhat sweet moment. Really at this point in the movie, you're just curious if you should really try to think through the leaps the plot makes.

QUESTIONS: OK, this is a pretty big plot spoiler, so if you are planning on seeing this film, don't keep reading this section. Seriously. So Mr. Kornfeldt should have been on the helicopter, and he knew Spencer was behind that explosion. So ... he plants neighbors around his son-in-law and daughter ... and waits for three years. A man tried to kill you, you knew it, and you watch him "be" with your daughter for three years. Magnum P.I. would never have allowed such a thing.

REWATCHABILITY: Can I say "no thank you" and just move on?


It's forgettable. In fact, I am looking forward to getting the "twist" ending out of my head as quickly as possible. Spencer and Jen are beautiful people. They fall for each other in a montage. Spencer gives her all kinds of loving, Jen finds reason to be suspicious. They bicker. And kill. Bicker. Kill. Bicker. Kill. You see, almost everyone they knew as neighbors, they're killers. Makes you think, doesn't it? Maybe that sweet couple across the street from you is a hired assassin, paid for by the government, to watch you and befriend you for three years and then try to kill you with a high-powered automatic weapon. Oh wait, there I go thinking again. Unfortunately Killers is slightly miscast (Kutcher) and once again Heigl isn't given a character worth remembering. So for me, my mind wanders, and wonders if there was really a good enough reason to make Killers.


Episode 10 - Movie B.S. with Bayer and Snider - 'Greek,' 'Splice,' 'Killers' and a theme song!

Box Office Preview - June 4 - 'Greek,' 'Maramaduke,' 'Killers' all gun for 'Shrek'