Quickcard Review Saw VI

Directed by: Kevin Greutert Cast: Tobin Bell, Costas Mandylor, Mark Rolston, Shawnee Smith Running Time: 1 hr 30 mins Rating: R Release Date: October 23, 2009

PLOT: Jigsaw blah blah blah death traps and torture blah blah blah sixth installment in the horror series.

WHO'S IT FOR? Now that a sixth one has dropped into theatres, outsiders aren't very likely - one either likes these things or they don't. That being said, the Saw movies are increasingly becoming an inside joke to their horror-ibly misguided fans. Here's hoping that even they are getting tired of the same wasteful experiences.

OVERALL

Since Saw VI does not act like a real movie, I will not treat it like one. And I would compare Saw VI with the act of going to the bathroom, but I’ll leave that type of mindset to our almighty Poovie thread.

I am sick. Believe it or not, it wasn’t the sixth installment of the torture-porn Saw series that caused this disruption in my physical health, but Mother Nature (gotta bring more Purell on the bus!) So, I have been consistently blowing my nose into numerous thin pieces of cloth and disposing of them, an act that is causing my poor wastebasket to overflow. Looking at my collection of violated Kleenex as they continue to pile up, I couldn’t help but think of Saw VI.

You see, the tissues are gross, but not significantly. They’re full of bits of mucus expelled from some part of someone’s body with little thought, and then contained by super thin material that would probably become void were it not content with catching something as inferior as snot for an existence. (Or even, if it tried to do something else.) The tissues don’t actually disgust me, even though the thought of re-viewing the boogers and snot for a second time is definitely towards the bottom of my overall life interests. “Disposable” is the first word that comes to mind when I think of both tissues and Saw, but at least the cloth is meant to contain some spreading of some type of disease - not spread it.

Yes, the traps in Saw VI are still as implausible as they are elaborate, ex-AARP card carrying member Jigsaw and co. still haven’t realized their intellect in constructing murderous Rude Goldbergs could make them even more successful as engineers, and the franchise is still attempting to speak to its audiences lessons in morality (something of which the Saw series really needs to buzz off about). The series is more dead and exhausted than the backstory of Jigsaw, which is constantly inflated by desperate writing. Let’s face it: a Saw flick would be more surprising if a trap didn’t work.

How thrilling it would be to see someone walk away unharmed, their scarring from such an experience only mental and not literal. I’m talking about the characters and not the audience members, of course. Now excuse me, I have to go blow my nose.

FINAL SCORE: 1/10