Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant Directed by: Paul Weitz Cast: Chris Massoglia, John C. Reilly, Josh Hutcherson, Michael Cerveris, Ken Watanabe, Salma Hayek Running Time: 1 hr 48 mins Rating: PG-13 Release Date: October 23, 2009

PLOT: A teenager (Massoglia) stumbles upon a freak show and meets a wide variety of unusual characters. He must decide if he wants to change his normal life and become a vampire's assistant for Crepsley (Reilly) in order to save a friend.

WHO'S IT FOR? Need your vampire fix before The Twilight Saga: New Moon? This should do the trick. Heck, if you check out the movie posters, they even try to get Massoglia looking a little like Robert Pattinson.

EXPECTATIONS: Reilly is great. I'll happily sit through anything the man attempts. One of my favorite moments was getting to see him perform at a small Chicago bar while he was in character as Dewey Cocks. As far as vampires go, I can take them or leave them, I'm not addicted.

SCORECARD (0-10)

ACTORS: Chris Massoglia as Darren: It just comes across that he never understands anything is at stake. This could have been as asset in the beginning. The idea of being in over his head makes sense when Darren finds out about this magically other world. But then he seems to never progress beyond that, and since he never seems to think anything is at stake, we don't either. Score: 5

John C. Reilly as Larten Crepsley: Every single scene that Reilly is involved in is a fun ride. There's new rules for vampires, like they prick with their fingers instead of bite the neck. Plus they can run really fast. That's not the charm of Crepsley though, he's just got a sing-song way about him. He's the good guy, you can always tell, though we don't get a great sense as to why he brings Darren into this world. Score: 8

Josh Hutcherson as Steve: Whether it's being Zathura or Journey to the Center of the Earth, Hutcherson has never made me believe. It simply seems like he can put on a "tough" face and read lines, but there is nothing that captures the imagination about his acting. Steve is the outsider, but really he just comes off as an ass. He picks on Steve, his supposed best friend, then feels sorry for himself. Score: 3

Michael Cerveris as Mr. Tiny: I had no idea that was a fat suit. We don't know much about Mr. Tiny, or why he's content being a negotiating manipulator instead of the man in charge of the evil. I assume those are lingering questions that will eventually get answers in future films (if those are made). Score:

Rest of Cast: Patrick Fugit is a lizard boy, Ken Watanabe is Mr. Tall, Orlando Jones has a very memorable mid-section, Salma Hayek can grow a beard, and Jane Krakowski can regrow her limbs and Willem Dafoe shows up for five seconds. Of all these side characters, Hayek gets the best moment when she and Reilly go back and forth like an old married couple, with the freak thing thrown in. If the film would have focused more on the freaks, it would have been a more enjoyable ride. Score: 6

TALKING: College. Job. Family. That's what Darren's family wants for him. But Darren's too much of a kid to know what he wants for himself. It's much more fun when Crepsely is talking about they ways of vampires, like the super spit and how vampires don't need cellphones. Score: 6

SIGHTS: There is a lot going of visually here. The opening credits reminded me of Catch Me if you Can, which is a good thing. The super speed that vampires have tends to look a little like something out of Jim Carrey's The Mask, which is a bad thing. The freaks on the other hand are always a rare treat to watch. I say rare cause it never seems we get to spend enough time with them. Score: 6

SOUNDS: During a standard vampire montage with Darren seeking raw meat, with Cold War Kids' "Something is not Right with Me" fits in perfect. And Nick Cave's "Red Right Hand" seems made for Crepsley walking in a grave yard. Beyond that, the soundtrack and score are fairly forgettable. Score: 6

PLOT SPOILERS

BEST SCENE: Reilly performing on stage with a spider might not be the greatest scene ever, but I could have watched his vaudevillian performance for a lot longer.

ENDING:Oh, now I get it. This is just the beginning. That's why the end battle was pretty lame. For a movie being all about the set up, I need more at stake.

QUESTIONS: Why is the fact that Darren saved Steve's life just glossed over during their final battle. Shouldn't this count for something? And Steve is just a little dense right? I never felt sorry for his upbringing, I just wanted someone to smack some sense in him.

REWATCHABILITY: I don't see a reason to rewatch, and if this does become a series of films I'll be hopeful they focus more on the ensemble cast and get away from the battle between Darren and Steve.

OVERALL

Cirque Du Freak: The Vampire's Assistant is a bit of a tease. First off, it almost seems perfectly timed to give Twilight fans something to see. Beyond that, this movie is all set up, but the focus is on the wrong people. Best (secret) friends, Darren and Steve are fairly basic characters and the actors do little to bring them to life. The film is sitting on a cast of great actors playing freaks, yet we barely get to see them or understand this world of two fractions of vampires battling each other. The great John C. Reilly pulls us through and gives a really fun performance as a classic vampire with a few twists, including a great, dry sense of humor.

FINAL SCORE: 6/10