Pandorum Directed by:Christian Alvert Cast: Dennis Quaid, Ben Foster, Antje Traue Running Time: 1 hr 45 min Rating: R Release Date: September 25, 2009

PLOT: When Corporal Bower (Foster) wakes up from hyper-sleep, he has no idea how long he's been out or what has happened to the space ship. With the help of Colonel Payton (Quaid), and a few other survivors, they start to piece together what went wrong on The Elysium.

WHO'S IT FOR? Sci-fi fans, without a doubt.

EXPECTATIONS: I am Ben Foster's newest number one fan (sans isolated cabin and sledgehammer), so I hoped for good things. On the other hand, Quaid's presence could be a bad sign.

SCORECARD (0-10)

ACTORS: Dennis Quaid as Colonel Payton: Quaid, like the rest of the movie, just hangs out in this gray area between good and bland. He does the job, but there are scenes that are a wee over-acted and he probably hit his stride a good decade ago. Score: 6

Ben Foster as Corporal Bower: Give Ben Foster something incredible to work with (The Messenger) and he shines. Here he twinkles lightly. He does haggard fear really well and the character is competent and reasonable, but ultimately overshadowed by a script focused on cannibal mutantoids. Score: 6

Antje Traue as Nadja: Have you ever just casually wondered what it would look like if we could somehow combine the genetics of Lara Croft and Marilyn Monroe and then throw in a soft German accent for good measure? Me neither, but apparently it's been done. Antje Traue is really enjoyable as the tough, sinewy survivor, Nadja. If the movie had done more to develop her character, she could've made it into a Top 7 Female Warriors list. Sadly, she's underdeveloped and forgettable, but for what the movie is trying to do, the character is still kick ass. Score: 6

TALKING: The dialogue is surprisingly strong for a movie that is basically just fun escapist fluff. There are no real eye-rollers as far as lines go, and some of the exchanges between the characters are good and sturdy. And I can ALMOST forgive the lazy show and not tell at the very beginning, aka, EARTH 2009...POPULATION ETC., EARTH 2152...POPULATION ETC. Score: 6

SIGHTS: There are some really cool parts of this movie. Don't mistake that for remotely original, since Pandorum stands on the shoulders of its horror predecessors. So, yes, it's recycled, but it's fun recycled. If you can keep yourself from thinking that the mutants look a little like the mountain-dwellers from The Descent, and a lot of the scenes are set up exactly like Alien...you'll enjoy yourself. Score: 6

SOUNDS: CRUNCH, CRUNCH, GURGLE AAAARRRGGGHHH!!!! That's my impression of a horde of mutants eating a dude's intestines, while he dangles helplessly in his hypersleep pod. There is no music save your typical characters in peril score. Therefore, nothing out of the ordinary, and nothing embarrassingly bad either. Score: 6

PLOT SPOILERS

BEST SCENE: There is one really spooky scene where Dennis Quaid is explaining what happened when a crew member on another ship came under the influence of "Pandorum," aka, the space crazies. The crew member thought the ship was cursed and launched 5,000 escape pods into space. You get to see all these pods, each with a hapless passenger, jettisoned from a giant space ship. One pod drifts by the camera and you catch a glimpse of its silently screaming occupant. Wicked.

ENDING: I thought it was a little too pat, myself. I was hoping for some major tie in to the title of the film and there wasn't.

QUESTIONS: Is it me or were the mutants decked out in tinfoil armor?

REWATCHABILITY: I'd watch it again if it were on television. It's a good, late night, eating ice cream, wrapped in a blanket, snowing outside sort of movie.

OVERALL

Pandorum is a great story with a fast, tense pace, but it somehow manages to stay firmly in average. Maybe because it bites off more than it can realistically chew--there's too much going on to keep track of who's who and what's what. And any explanations that you get are slightly garbled and sometimes outright obscure. For example, the crazy cannibal guy talks about what happened to The Elysium via mythic ranting and symbols that have been scratched into the metal wall. Plus, it bugged me that so much attention was paid to the effects of Pandorum, when it was mostly relegated to an interesting side plot (one mildly predictable plot twist aside).

Still, if you have an extra ten bucks, it's definitely entertaining. Just flip off your brain and forgive it for its frequent confusions and shaky plots.

FINAL SCORE: 6/10