Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen Directed by: Michael Bay Cast: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson, John Turturro Running Time: 2 hrs 35 mins Rating: PG-13 Release Date: June 24, 20009

Complete coverage of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Features Scorecard Review Video Review He Said – He Said Soundtrack listing

Interviews Megan Fox Josh Duhamel Tyrese Gibson Ramon Rodriguez Visual Effects Supervisor Scott Farrar

Plot: Autobots and the U.S. military have joined forces to form a special fighting unit called NEST, but when Sam (LaBeouf) touches a piece of the cube, everything changes and an old Decepticon enemy comes back to reclaim the Earth.

Who’s It For? Teenage boys. But they'll need to text during the film because there are some very boring parts. With the language and violence, I don't think it's really meant for younger children.

Expectations: I didn't know what to expect, but I was hoping for a tighter, more basic plot, more fights where you can actually see who's fighting, and Fox continuing to look like Fox.

SCORECARD (0-10)

Actors: Shia LaBeouf as Sam Witwicky: He's reduced to a lot of blinking. I guess that's what getting possessed with ancient symbols can do to a man. Sam also wants to go to college so he can be normal, and he doesn't want to take Bumblebee with him. What?! Good lord, when I get my Transformer, I will treat him with a lot more respect. Plus, Sam and Mikaela find it difficult to say the "L" word. Shia's at this best went ranting, like when he tries to give Mikaela the silent treatment for 10 seconds, or when he makes reference to his insane life. The problem is those are two moments in a 2 and a half hour long movie. Score: 4

Megan Fox as Mikaela Banes: Her first moment on screen is draped over a motorcycle with insanely tiny denim shorts. She's also got the shiniest, biggest lips that have ever been on an Imax screen. I don't know how much of a compliment either of those things are. It remains to be seen if Fox can elevate beyond just an insanely pretty face. Not that there's anything wrong with being the hottest woman in the room. Score: 5

Josh Duhamel as Captain Lennox: He's in this movie but not really. You're not going to remember any lines or moments. It's pretty much that Lennox and Sergeant Epps (Gibson) are reduced to a poor man's Riggs and Murtaugh. Lennox says something, then Epps mutters something about having a bad feeling about something. Score: 4

John Turturro as Agent Simmons: Simmons shows up to act crazy about half-way through. At first I was relieved because I thought maybe he could provide a jolt to a pretty boring film. But then I remembered what Turturro brought to the first film and how it just didn't fit. Score: 4

Talking: Painfully bad one-liners. The worst dialogue comes from the street/ghetto Autobots who love to drop a "bitch" in wherever they can. Good thing one has a gold tooth so we totally understand. The parents (Kevin Dunn and Julie White) don't add anything funny and the screenwriters beat the "letting Sam go" angle to death. Score: 2

Sights: Jaw dropping. There are still plenty of moments where you're too close to the action to understand who's fighting who and who's actually winning the battle, but you will see detail with these robot aliens that is the best of the best. They went from 18 Transformers to 46. You'll also notice every human is super-duper orange. Odd choice there. Isabel Lucas as Alice ... Um, this isn't Terminator. Score: 8

Sounds: You don't really notice many songs during the film, even though the soundtrack sports Linkin Park's "New Divide" and it's not bad. There is always the attempt at heart-pounding music, but it never compares to the positive visual aspects. Bumblebee once again talks in songs (dated ones like "I'm So Excited" by The Pointer Sisters) and movie quotes (Tom Hanks). Amazing all the technology the Autobots have and they can't fix his voice box. Score: 5

PLOT SPOILERS

Best Scene: Optimus Prime takes on three Decepticons in the woods ... You can actually see the fighting for the most part, even though I could only tell that Megatron and Starscream were two of the three Decepticons. Optimus fighting is something I could watch all day, but this is hands done the best this film has to offer.

Ending: You'll never guess who gets away. Looks like there's plenty of room for a 4-hour Part 3! Bay abuses slow motion on the people at the end, because he's actually convinced he's crafted characters here.

Questions: There are too many to really get in here, but what about Sam finding where the seven are when no Decepticon could for centuries? Or what about the old English Decepticon who switches teams, but didn't even know he was on Earth (in the form of a stealth jet fighter, and has the ability to transport to other places. Plus, any issues with Bay showing dead soldiers being flown home, or 9/11 and Obama references? In this fictitious film, those events have no place.  I'll stop here since I would rather my head not explode.

Rewatchability: It's two and a half hours. It's two and a half hours. It's TWO and a HALF hours. I have no excitement to see this movie again.

OVERALL

This is Michael Bay at this worst. And don't tell me this is always what he does, because The Rock, Armageddon and even the first Transformers are filled with fun. The best comparison for Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is Bad Boys II. This film is forced full of one-liners, has no plot (even though they try to explain it over and over again) and there are no movie boundaries. You need movie boundaries, no matter how outlandish they are. This time around anything can take the form of a Decepticon and apparently anyone can borrow power from another robot. There is no sense, only moments trying to overload your visual senses.

While the film looks fantastically overblown, and there is meticulous detail given to the look of the Transformers, it just doesn't make up for the fact that this film is boring, and you're never connecting to anything or anyone.

You know how the Batman films jumped the shark after the third or fourth? It only took Transformers two times ... Maybe someone can remake these films in 20 years and get it right. I said the first film is a teenage boy's wet dream. This sequel is just masturbation.

Final Score: 4/10

Complete coverage of Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen

Features Scorecard Review Video Review He Said – He Said Soundtrack listing

Interviews Megan Fox Josh Duhamel Tyrese Gibson Ramon Rodriguez Visual Effects Supervisor Scott Farrar