Crank: High Voltage Directed by: Mark Neveldine, Brian Taylor Cast: Jason Statham, Amy Smart, Ling Bai, Dwight Yokam, David Carradine, Corey Haim Running Time: 1 hr 25 mins Rating: R
Plot: Someone has stolen Chev Chelios' (Statham) heart, in this continuation of the Crank series. So he needs to find it, right? Right.
Who's it For? Mindless action speed demons. This movie is fast and furious with no sign of Paul Walker. There's plenty of others with bad acting abilities though, so the man's not missed.
Expectations: The first one didn't hit me like it should have. I was annoyed. Maybe it was the SCS (shaky camera syndrome) where you couldn't avoid getting vomitous. Or perhaps it was the sex scene in front of the school bus that rubbed me the wrong way.
SCORECARD (0-10)
Actors: Jason Statham as Chev Chelios: He's making a run at best movie runner ever. Tom Cruise and Matt Damon are the others, unless you think I'm missing someone (and I'm only talking action running scenes, so Billy Crudup in Without Limits doesn't fit). When Statham makes a fist, you can't wait for it to connect on someone's skull. That's all you need. Score: 8
Amy Smart as Eve: She turned to stripping when she thought Chev was dead. Round of applause for that. Smart was born to play trashy hot, and she's added a butt-kicking side to go along with it. And since you're wondering, this time it happens on a race track, and from the looks of it, they're real and they're spectacular. Score: 7
Ling Bai as Ria: She's a nut job but it works in this film, and the sub-titles for her English were a great call. It seems like she's one racist stereo-type away from saying, "I love you long time," but this movie isn't claiming to be politically correct. And when she calls Chev her shiny lunch box, you realize she does know what she's talking about. Score: 6
Dwight Yokam as Doc Miles: If Statham was born to kick movie arse, then Yokam was created to be a wacked-out doctor who knows how to do a little bit of everything. Score: 7
Talking: Sure, most of the dialogue consists of Chev saying a name, but throwing in an f-bomb in the middle, but you have to admit, it sounds cool. Example: You Good? Tiger (f-bomb) Woods. Score: 6
Sights: Breast Implants get shot, heads get tossed, Corey Haim has a killer mullet, and there's plenty of boobs. So in other words, guys will be on sensory overload. They actually take care of dull moments, like describing the function of the battery-heart, with an old health film. Plus, this is a shaky, handheld camera done right, allowing you to see all the action, in the daylight too! Score: 7
Sounds: At one point Chev whistles along with the score. And the soundtrack runs the course of 80s, rap and opera. There is rarely a dull audio moment. Score: 7
PLOT SPOILERS
Best Scene: This film almost blends together to create the illusion that there's just one hour and a half scene. While the obvious choice here would be the horse track, I'm going with Chev jump starting himself from a car battery, then just going for a run. Simple, yet effective.
Ending: Some odd decisions were made here. Instead of showing stuff during the credits (fairly important stuff), they should have done that before. Then, during the second batch of credits, you'll want to stick around since they have some outtakes.
Questions: What would fake breasts look like if they got shot? Oh wait, this movie answers that. Never mind then. Let's not talk about the head attached to all the wires, let's pretend this film didn't go THAT far.
Rewatchability: Hell yes. I'm looking forward to introducing this film to my friends after a couple of beers.
OVERALL
Crank: High Voltage knows what it is. Dumb, almost mindless, and totally kick-arse. It's not even an hour and a half long, yet there are tiny moments where the movie falls a little flat (like the Luke Conrad Show), but it always quickly rebounds with something. This movie is a video game, even the opening credits prove that to you. And it's a great (completely implausible) premise for an action movie. In fact, from beginning to end this is my favorite Crankporter flick (Crank + Transporter = Crankporter ... it's simple math).
Final Score: 7/10