Plot: Deepak Chopra, looks like you have company. Guru Pitka (Mike Myers) is the love guru and needs to work his magic on hockey all-star Darren Roanke (Romany Malco), but he also falls for the team owner, Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba). Who’s It For? It's a lowbrow comedy with many jokes consisting of a play on words, or someone getting punched in the nuts. Myers isn't a guarantee any more and he is most certainly front and center in this film.
Expectations: My favorite Myers film is still So I Married an Axe Murderer? with Austin Powers being a close second. Those films seem a long way off and Myers' charm has faded. I assumed I would laugh on occasion and nothing more.
Actors: Mike Myers as Guru Pikta: Pikta is an arrogant guru, who seems to have taken advantage of his position to make tons of cash and be surrounded by people who worship him. Sounds charming. Will Ferrel has gotten into this problem as well. We want to root with the lead of a comedy, not watch him be an ass for two hours. Not only that, he mugs for the camera in every scene, killing the story and stepping on the other actors whenever possible. Score: 2
Jessica Alba as Jane Bullard: I give up. I can't find a terrible actress attractive. It feels like she is just reading lines. And Myers (looking like the guru) and Alba just don't match up romantically at all. Score: 2
Romany Malco as Darren Roanke: Being a big fan of Weeds, I was excited for Malco to get a shot on the big screen, but Myers kept pushing his character out of the way and Malco wasn't left with jokes, an interesting story or anything really. Score: 3
Justin Timberlake as Jacques Grande: Timberlake is saddled with one joke, a big dick. I guess there is one more also, being a Celine Dion fan. It's a shame. Timberlake has proved himself as a comedic actor with Saturday Night Live, but I guess he was giving more room to work in those four-minute sketches. Score: 4
Talking: It just seems like The Love Guru is making fun of Hindus, and short people. Even though Verne Troyer allows himself to constantly be made fun of, it doesn't mean he isn't hurting a community of people. Not only that, for a man who loves hockey, Myers has totally misrepresented the sport. Score: 2
Sights & Sounds: It is now obvious what Myers needs to do for his next comedy, a full-out, non-stop musical. He is singing "9 to 5," "More than Words," and "The Joker" throughout the film and there is more creativity and energy put into those numbers than any joke in the film. Score: 5
OVERALL The Love Guru is a mess. I am still comfortable believing Myers is a comic genius, but it's no where to be seen here. With Hindu beliefs getting trampled on with points such as "Going from nowhere, to now here" with the ego-raging Guru Pikta, there just wasn't room to laugh. There were little breaks when Myers took to singing, and at least that spared us from more basic jokes about big cocks, or getting punched in them. Score: 3 out of 10