Plot: Ten criminals on death row are sent to an island to fight to the death. It’s broadcast for the world to see, and the winner will be set free with a cash prize. Jack Conrad (Steve Austin) is a last-minute fill-in, and though he is reluctant, Conrad is forced to fight against Ewan McStarley (Vinnie Jones) and the others. Who’s it for: WWE fans who are ready to see “Stone Cold” Steve Austin make the leap from former wrestler to action star. Kids should not see this, especially for the cruel/violent treatment toward women.
Expectations: On paper, “The Condemned” sounds like the perfect action movie, but writer/director Scott Wiper doesn’t have a solid track record yet, plus Vince McMahon is a producer. So there were too many things to be leery about.
SCORECARD
Actors:
Steve Austin as Jack Conrad: Austin chooses the “less is more” approach. He doesn’t have tons of screen time, and even when he is on, he doesn’t say much. All of this is fine; the most important thing is he definitely looks imposing. But he’s almost too big. Watching him run calls to mind a penguin. Grade: 5 Vinny Jones as Ewan McStarley: Jones has played this type of role before, and he’s good. I just wish he would have put his foot down and not had the five-minute scene with him abusing a woman for sport. It really took away all fun escapism the movie could offer. Grade: 5 Robert Mammone as Ian Breckel: He’s from the “Vince McMahon School of Acting” complete with a shirt that’s never buttoned all the way up. And just like McMahon, Ian doesn’t want to take responsibility for the entertainment he creates. Grade: 3 Sights and sounds: “The Condemned” falls prey to SCS (Shaky Camera Syndrome). Films like “300” succeed by showing us the action. When “The Condemned” uses tight shots with a joggling camera it prevents you from following what’s going on. Grade: 2 OVERALL
The tagline line for “The Condemned” is, “10 people will fight. 9 people will die. You get to watch.” They should have left it at that, but instead they involve the FBI and Conrad’s ex-girlfriend in sub-plots that kill all momentum. The film even attempts to make moral judgments about how watching a fight to the death is wrong, which ends up alienating anybody that sat their butt down in the theater in the first place. And for an action movie, there aren’t many fight sequences. Steven Austin does a fine job in this small leading role mainly because he doesn’t look like the kind of guy you want to rub the wrong way. They should have just made a movie where 10 men fight to the death, just pure action escapism, and called it “Royal Rumble in the Jungle.”
Overall Grade: 3