We start the Top 7. You finish the Top 10.
In honor of this week's release, Jack & Jill, we're doing a countdown of truly awful cinema. If you're anything like me, you're still reeling from the fact that this movie was made at all. So, we here at TSR, have decided to take that idea and run with it.
This week's TOP 7 list is devoted to movies that it's hard to believe were made. Now, before we begin, it's important to note that this list is dedicated to the premise of these movies. The end result could be surprisingly good, but if it has an absurd premise, it's fair game. Take a look at the list below and be sure to sound off with your own votes!
7. Half Baked (1998)
Recap: Three stoner friends (Dave Chapelle, Jim Breuer, and Guillermo Diaz) plan to break their friend out of jail after one of them accidentally kills a police horse. Reason: Just because I can’t believe it got made doesn’t mean that I’m not thankful for it. Half Baked is a goofy fun time (awesome drinking game) but that doesn’t make the premise of it any less ridiculous. Sure, it’s got a niche audience, but enough to secure it wide release and a cult following? Well, if you just look at the plot synopsis, it’s difficult to imagine.
6. To Wong Foo, Thanks For Everything Julie Newmar (1995)
Recap: Three drag queens (Patrick Swayze, Wesley Snipes, John Leguizamo) are traveling across the country when their car breaks down and they find themselves stuck in a small town. Reason: Personally, I’ve never been a big fan of this camp classic, but personal feelings aside, you can’t help but read the plot description and ask yourself, “Seriously?” What’s even more surprising is when you look at the cast. Patrick Swayze? Wesley Snipes? Then you throw in the fact that it was nominated for two Golden Globes. Part of the thing that’s most surprising about To Wong Foo is not just that it got made, but that it was so well received.
5. Splash (1984)
Recap: A man (Tom Hanks) falls in love with the mermaid (Daryl Hannah) who saved him from drowning when he was a little boy. Reason: OK, the movie itself is one thing, but think about it. A man and a mermaid? Well, when you boil it down to it, that’s kinda what The Little Mermaid is about with one little exception. In Splash, she’s not a mermaid turned human. She’s just a mermaid. Now, pardon me for being crass, but... well, how does that work? I mean, I get how the love story works, but when it comes to “doing the deed?” It just doesn’t seem like they thought this all out.
4. Jason X (2001)
Recap: The murderous Jason Voorhees (Kane Hodder) is back, when he is revived aboard a spaceship and begins his bloody rampage in a new century. Reason: This one isn’t really that hard to believe. I mean, by this point in the franchise, they’ve repeatedly brought Jason back from the dead, he’s been to Manhattan, and he’s been to Hell, so why not outer space? Still, the absurdity of applying pseudo-science to the slasher franchise is pretty painful and plenty enough of a reason to make it on the list.
3. Pretty Woman (1990)
Recap: A successful business man (Richard Gere) hires and falls in love with a prostitute (Julia Roberts). Reason: Once again, I’d like to remind dear readers, that we are not factoring in the end result. Regardless of my dislike of the romantic comedy, there’s no denying it’s a fan favorite. Still, looking at the bare bones premise of the movie, it does seem like this would have been one helluva pitch in Hollywood. I mean, Richard Gere hiring a prostitute? That alone seems weird to me, but when you end up having a prostitute as a main love interest? There’s just something unreal about that.
2. Battlefield Earth (2000)
Recap: After years of enslavement, humanity begins to rebel against their alien oppressors. Reason: Maybe I just have a thing against sci-fi, but this just sounds so ridiculous to me. Throw in the fact that it’s essentially a Scientology propaganda film watered down and you’ve got a mess on your hands. Honestly, qualms with Scientology aside, it’s hard to imagine this movie going over well with audiences.
1. Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)
Recap: Taken directly from IMDb... “A homeless vigilante blows away crooked cops, pedophile Santas, and other scumbags with his trusty pump-action shotgun.” Reason: Seriously, you can’t even make this stuff up. Granted, this movie was an homage to schlock cinema, but the fact that something like this could get made and distributed is truly a testament to the greed of Hollywood. I don’t say that as someone pretending to be better than this kind of movie (in fact, I love this movie) but looking at the pitch for this movie, which features pedophile Santas, it’s hard to believe that this got greenlit.