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Disaster Movie

Disaster MovieDirected by: Jason Friedberg and Aaron Seltzer Cast: Matt Lanter, Crista Flanagan, G. Thang, Kimberly Kardashian Time: 1 hr 20 mins Rating: PG-13

Plot: No wait, seriously there is a plot. Over the course of one evening, a group of twenty-somethings find themselves confronted by a series of disasters and odd events.

Who’s It For? This is for teenagers who are hung up on trying to decide what is cool and what's not. I mean ... didn't teenagers flock to the superhero flicks? So why do they want to sit through lame jokes involving them? Also, parents should know, it's indecent, profane and includes one joke comment about a coat hanger for an abortion.

Expectations: I wasn't excited about this film at all. No reasonable person would be. But College and Babylon A.D. weren't doing an advanced screening and I hated the idea of not giving a review on time. So ... this is it ... enjoy?


Actors: Matt Lanter as Will: Wait a minute, that name Lanter looks familiar and that voice ... I'll be right back ... Yep, he was the voice for Anakin Skywalker in The Clone Wars. Awful. I was about to give him a 2 for a slightly amusing bit about Beowulf acting gay. Score: 1

G. Thang as Calvin: Ouch. This was uncomfortable. Especially seeing this film the same night as Barack Obama's speech. G. Thang does his best, "Oh HELL no!" and it's awful. Score: 1

Kimberly Kardashian as Lisa: Really? She's going as Kimberly? Lisa get's into a wrestling match with Carmen Electra (the biggest and only celebrity in the film). She also gets hit by an asteroid. They really should have let Paris Hilton and the rest of the talentless Hollywood socialites be in this film just to be killed off one by one. Many times when Kardashian became to speak, I thought it was the start of a joke, but apparently her timing is so off that she was delivering a punchline. Score: 0

Crista Flanagan as Juney: They had an idea here, and it's that Ellen Page's Juno character was a little too hip. It gets old after a minute, but she does a decent impression. Score: 1

Talking: Bitch is constantly used in place of jokes. And there are way too many times the dialogue starts with, "Hey everybody, look over there, it's Dr. Phil or Jessica Simpson, or Justin Timberlake." The knockoffs didn't look enough like the real-life celebrities so they were forced to be introduced. Score: 0

Sights & Sounds: I love the occasional B-movie, so there was a moment when some $2 stuff animal chipmunks sang and attacked the gang that gave me the hint of a smile. Otherwise Disaster Movie noticed films from the past year such as Cloverfield, Sex in the City, Hancock, Jumper, Speed Racer, High School Musical and countless more. Score: 2

OVERALL What happened? What happened to Naked Gun, Spaceballs or even National Lampoon's Loaded Weapon 1? Why it is impossible to make fun of films from the recent future? Superheros get hit by cows and that's supposed to be funny? This film had me rethinking my concept of grading on a scale of 1-10. I think it needs to be 0-10 in the future. I just never thought I could find a film with absolutely no worth whatsoever on any level to any audience. This came close. Why can't we pay Seth MacFarlane or even Joe McHale to do this instead? I checked, "The Opposite of Funny Movie" and "Awful Film" were available for titles, but "Disaster Movie" works absolutely perfect. Score: 1 out of 10

Roger Ebert attacks Jay Mariotti

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