Roger Ebert's twitter might (definitely) be onto something when he says, "I can't remember a year when it was so easy to predict the Oscars." Yes, all of the main categories, with an exception of "Best Picture," appear to be (Hurt)-Locked down (zing!!!). There's always a chance for an upset, but really, does anyone have a chance against Christoph Waltz? No.

But, what none of us can predict, including those who bustle down in award-time statistics, office pools, and email slander campaigns (too soon?), is what's going to happen during the actual ceremony. In the past the Oscars have had emotional breakdowns, raucous speeches, odd swan dresses, a streaker, and Woody Allen even showed up once (to support New York, not one of his films.) If the Oscars were as boring as the nomination readings, I doubt we'd care about them as a whole as much. Part of the show's excitement is anticipating the special moments that make Monday morning's discussion more interesting than "Who saw Alice In Wonderland this weekend?"

If I could add an eighth wish to this Top 7 list, it would be that the Oscars this year are actually exciting. That, or I would settle for a couple of moments that possibly later turn into internet memes (as I have just exhausted a decent amount below):

7. Oscar hosts Steve Martin and Alec Baldwin are actually funny. I'm not saying that they aren't, but we would certainly benefit the most if their funny muscles are in full operation. I quite enjoyed Hugh Jackman's opening number last year, ("I didn't see The Reader," he hysterically sang,) but chances are we won't get Martin and Baldwin doing the can-can in top hats this time around. I expect a lot of dry, labored jokes from Baldwin, and possibly some wacky slapstick from Steve Martin. He will probably do something bonkers like destroy the Oscar set with his clumsiness. A Pink Panther-like mess could be hokey, sure, but it beats the on-stage disaster of having more bombs than The Hurt Locker.

6. A mini-riot occurs outside when Kristen Stewart and Taylor Lautner roll onto the red carpet together, which leaves one person injured with a broken heart (sources will say she is on Team Edward.) Once the Los Angeles SWAT team quells the situation, the two stars are moved inside the theatre and hidden backstage, where they bounce a ball against the wall of a janitor's closet until they are called up to read the nominees for "Best Screenplay - Adapted." Embarrassed to represent such a category, Kristen Stewart has a mental breakdown on stage, (and doesn't just play with her hair, but tugs chunks out.) She steers away from the TelePrompTer and goes on a rampage of apologies for The Twilight Saga: New Moon. Taylor Lautner just stands there, one shoulder hunched lower than the other, his Colgate smile on display. No, he is not wearing a shirt. Obviously.

5. The world stands still as George Clooney reads the nominees for "Best Achievement in Visual Effects," with people foolishly thinking that anything not named Avatar actually stands a chance. When the 3D motion-capture film is announced as the winner, the respectable animators, of which Cameron is not listed, walk toward the stage and begin to thank their wives for understanding the late hours, etc. However, a redundantly inebriated Kanye West pulls the same shenanigans once again, running on stage, and taking the microphone from out of Joe Letteri's range. With Beyonce looking on in shock, Mr. West says, "I'm happy for you Avatars, and I'm-a let you finish, but District 9 was one of the best movies about a human-being-becoming-friends-with-a-supposedly-threatening-alien-race-and-then-fighting-with-them, of all time. All time!"

4. The nominees for "Best Supporting Actress" are read, after Tilda Swinton is originally instructed to skip the no-chances and just say the word "Mo'Nique." After the former Phat Girlz actress has her name announced, the song "It Took A Long Time" by LaBelle plays as she makes a tearful journey towards the podium. Then, completely caught in the zone, she lays down on the floor, laying on her stomach. Channeling the spirit of Jack Palance, she performs 10 one-armed pushups, which sends the Oscar audience into a delirious applause. Mo'Nique then gives a nice speech, which no one remembers because they are too busy pinching themselves.

3. James Cameron pulls a Derek Zoolander and accepts Kathryn Bigelow's award for "Best Director" by accident. Zoe Saldana's jaw (not talking the blue one) drops to the floor, while Jeremy Renner produces the Oscars' first trademark facepalm. Lumbering toward the podium, with the words "KATHRYN BIGELOW" blinding the audience on a gargantuan video screen, Cameron shuffles through his pockets and takes out an acceptance speech that is a record 150-pages. Halfway through his acceptance speech, which includes a tearful gratitude to the world for promoting "original" filmmaking, someone dares to alert him of his mistake. A classy man, he acknowledges the mistake, and gives the gold statue to Bigelow personally. He then goes home and re-edits himself out of every related Youtube video that he can find, replacing himself with director Lee Daniels.

2. Firth over Daniels. Forgive me for not believing in "Oscar politics." Even if Bridges is overdue for a dude of gold, this doesn't mean (to me, at least) that his whiskey'd performance in Crazy Heart is the best of the year. Sure, Bridges does a decent job with the role of an aging country star, but he doesn't deserve "Best Actor." Colin Firth, however, does. As the title character of A Single Man, he carries the film with his remarkable portrayal of sorrow, without ever once being too melodramatic. Firth takes the feelings we have all experienced of love lost, and bares his soul with them. Since A Single Man is not up for "Best Picture," a spot of which it is more deserving of than a couple of nominees, Firth's receiving of "Best Actor" would at least stand as some form of proper appreciation for the film. If the Academy proves that they don't feel Firth's performance as much as they should, that would be truly heart-breaking.

1. Up in the Air wins "Best Picture." This extraordinary film is 100 percent human. The irony is that it sees the world through the eyes of a person who may as well be our economy's grim reaper - a man who fires people for a living. George Clooney's incredibly unique character is tactfully created, and the world of which he exhibits modern accepted-traits like independence is presented flawlessly by Jason Reitman's vision. This film is extremely dedicated to now, but his exploration of classic American ideals such as family and even the open-ended, never-truly-answered topic of love evokes the grade-A work of a classic director like Frank Capra. Up in the Air is not without one honest performance or moment. It is as brutal, lovely, and real as life can be, and it's certainly as great as filmmaking gets.

Now that I've shared what I want to see this Sunday, what about you? What do you want to witness in this new round of Oscar history?