The Scorecard Review

Twilight Directed by: Catherine Hardwicke Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson Running Time: 2 hrs. Rating: PG-13

I DIDN'T READ THIS BOOK ... if you want to read a review from someone who did -- click here for Jeff Bayer's review.

Plot: Bella Swan (Stewart) is forced to trade her teenage life in the desert of Phoenix for the cold, rainy woods of Washington when she moves back in with her lonely father. Here she finds a new set of friends and an inconvenient attraction to the mysterious Edward Cullen (Pattinson), whose intensity both scares and fascinates her. Slowly, Bella and Edward’s paths entangle, their relationship heats up, and the terrifying truth comes out—Edward is a vampire, and he would like nothing more than to suck Bella’s blood. But, he’s also a good guy, and though

Nov 18
Nov 18 Religulous

Quickcard Review Religulous

Directed by: Larry Charles Starring: Bill Maher Running Time: 1 hr 41 mins Rated: R

Mug. That's the key to Religulous ... which, by the way took me WAY too long to finally pronounce correctly. It was like staring at Scarlett Johansson ... I knew I was supposed to get "it," but I wasn't seeing what everyone else was.

Back to mug, which can pretty much equal Maher for the duration of this film. He's front and center leading the way to create an understanding of why and how people believe what they do. Maher says he simply doesn't know the answers. That's his religion, the unknowing. And he attempts to investigate why others believe what they do with an open mind, but it's Maher. He mugs.

And most everyone who sees Religulous

Nov 13
Nov 13 Quantum of Solace

Quantum of Solace Directed by: Marc Forster Cast: Daniel Craig, Olga Kurylenko, Judi Dench, Mathieu Amalric, Jeffrey Wright Running Time: 1 hr 40 mins Rating: PG-13

Plot: James Bond (Daniel Craig) picks up right where he left off … kicking arse. Still seeking revenge for the death of his true love Vesper (who betrayed him), Bond encounters Dominic Greene (Mathieu Amalric), an environmentalist who has sinister motives.

Who’s It For? Action fans will flock. No romance this time ... and if all you care about is gadgets and villains ... take a deep breath, you aren't getting your fill here.

Expectations: I am one of the few who thought Casino Royale was just average. I have unusually high expectations for Bond films. But Casino was just simply too long on a romance I never believed in and

Nov 13
Nov 13 Dear Zachary

Dear Zachary Directed/Written/Produced/Edited by: Kurt Kuenne Running Time: 95 mins Rating: Documentary, unrated Opens: In Portland on November 15 at the Hollywood Theatre

“Law is mind without reason.” ~ Aristotle

I am desensitized. How can you tell? Here’s the test:

What is your first reaction when you see extremely realistic gore in the movies?

1. “Gross! I can see his spleen!” 2. “Wow! Great special effects!” 3. “Ha-ha! That guy was eaten by his own poodle! The irony!” 4. All of the above

When you’re desensitized, by virtue of the very word, things don’t bother you as much. Yes, things upset me, but I tend to get over that quickly. If I’m not able to repress or forget something fast enough, I bury myself in escapism, like books and movies and video games. Soon enough, due to my 21st Century attention span

Nov 13
Nov 13 JCVD

Chris De Salvo

JCVD Directed by: Mabrouk El Mechri Cast: Jean-Claude Van Damme, François Damiens, Zinedine Soualem, Karim Belkhadra RunningTime: 1 hr 36 mins Rating: R Opens: In Chicago on Nov. 14 at Piper's Alley

Plot: A self-conscious Jean-Claude Van Damme stars in a film about a self-conscious big screen star (himself) whose life has unraveled. As if losing custody of his child, and compiling a long list of tax problems weren’t enough, when our hero ventures into a bank for a loan, he’s offered another scary addition to his list of problems.

Who’s It For? Only life-long Van Damme fans will get the laundry-list of inside jokes only diehards would find amusing. Though we’re all aware of the action-star’s existence, his twenty-plus year career has been largely ignored. He’s never had a critical hit, nor any mainstream cred outside

Nov 13
Nov 13 Let the Right One In

Let the Right One In ... Låt Den Rätte Komma In Directed by: Tomas Alfredson Cast: Kare Hedebrant, Lina Leandersson, Per Ragnar, Patrik Rydmark Running Time: 1 hr 45 min Rating: R

Plot: Oskar (Kare Hedebrant), a 12 year old boy, is unhappily resigned to a lonely life of friendlessness and a wicked trio of school bullies. When a mysterious girl named Eli (Lina Leandersson) moves into the apartment next door, the two outcasts form a deep connection. The dark and beautiful Eli is actually a 200 year old vampire, struggling for discretion and survival on a day-to-day basis.

Who’s It For? Horror fans. Wait, allow me to clarify--discriminating horror fans with taste and sophistication. Låt Den Rätte Komma In is a Swedish film, so go in expecting subtitles. If you like those brainless, sexist, and

Nov 11
Nov 11 Slumdog Millionaire

Slumdog Millionaire Directed by: Danny Boyle Cast: Dev Patel, Freida Pinto, Madhur Mittal Running Time: 1 hr, 50 mins Rating: PG-13

Plot: The success story of a poor Indian boy (Patel) is coincidentally told through the questions he must answer while on India’s own “Who Wants To Be A Millionaire”.

Who’s It For? This is for anyone who likes a little "twist" on their Dickensian rags to riches stories. Slumdog shares the same arc as many tales before it, but is unlike nearly every movie of its kind. It is worth the adventurous view.

Expectations: Other than Darren Aronofsky's < ;b>The Wrester, Slumdog Millionaire was apparently the other critical winner at this year's Toronto International Film Festival.

SCORECARD (0-10)

Actors: Dev Patel as Jamal Malik: Patel is actually British, but plays the innocent Mumbai born and raised Jamal with great conviction

Nov 6
Nov 6 Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa

Madagascar 2: Escape to Africa Directed by: Eric Darnell, Tom McGrath Cast: Ben Stiller, Chris Rock, Jada Pinkett Smith, David Schwimmer, Sacha Baron Cohen, Cedric the Entertainer, Bernie Mac, Alec Baldwin Running Time: 1 hr 20 min Rating: PG

Plot: Alex the lion (Ben Stiller), Marty the zebra (Chris Rock), Gloria the hippo (Jada Pinkett Smith), and Melman the giraffe (David Schwimmer) are finally leaving Madagascar and returning to New York City. With the help of King Julien (Sacha Baron Cohen) and the penguin special forces (voices-Tom McGrath, Chris Miller, Christopher Knights), the original Madagascar gang hopes to fly a makeshift plane back to the Big Apple. The problem is, they've just crash landed in Africa...

Who’s It For? Anyone and everyone. The kids will love it, because it's goofy and fun; the adults

Nov 6
Nov 6 Synecdoche, New York

CLICK HERE to read De Salvo's complete Scorecard Review ... he gives it a 7/10

Quickcard Review Synecdoche, New York

Directed by: Charlie Kaufman Cast: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Samantha Morton, Catherine Keener, Michelle Williams Time: 2 hrs 4 mins Rating: R

Plot: It's pronounced (sin-neck-doe-key) if you're unsure. But unsure just might be the point. Caden (Hoffman) attempts to create the most ambitious play ever imagined at the exact time his life begins to unravel.

Who’s It For? Let me just take a line from the film to explain who it's for ... "Knowing that you don't know is the first essential step to knowing, you know?" This is an impressionist film. It is what you make it. That will turn away most, but with Kaufman directing, you are guaranteed to see something original.

OVERALL

It's a movie about

Nov 6
Nov 6 Soul Men

Soul Men Directed by: Malcom D. Lee

Cast: Samuel L. Jackson, Bernie Mac

Running Time: 1 hr 43 mins

Rating: R

Plot:

Two estranged and aging former soul singers, Louis and Floyd (Jackson and Mac), are forced to reunite after the death of their former band mate Marcus (real-life crooner John Legend) has his managers clawing for a "Real Deal" reunion tribute concert. It's up to Floyd to convince Louis to pull himself out of the dumpy L.A. apartment he calls home and make his way to New York City, where the tribute is set to take place.

Trouble starts soon after the two hit the road, and as they make their way from state to state --making stops along the way way to brush up on their rusty stagecraft and reunite with a young woman who

Nov 6
Nov 6 The Boy in the Striped Pajamas (Pyjamas)

The Boy in the Striped PajamasDirected by: Mark Herman Cast: Asa Butterfield, Vera Farmiga, David Thewlis, Jack Scanlon Running Time: 1 hr 35 mins Rating: PG-13

Opens in Chicago on November 7. Opens in Portland on November 14.

Plot: Based on the John Boyne novel, and set during World War II, this is the story of Bruno (Butterfield), an 8-year-old and son of the commander in charge of a concentration camp. Bruno secretly explores the area and finds a friendship with a Jewish boy (Scanlon) who is inside the camp.

Who’s It For? I looked it up ... and there are officially infinity different films about WWII. Just amazing. What's more impressive is that this is another original way to tell the horrendous story. If you are looking for a way to introduce your

Nov 6
Nov 6 Synecdoche, New York

Chris De Salvo

Synecdoche, New York Directed by: Charlie Kaufman Cast: Philip Seymour Hoffman, Samantha Morton, Catherine Keener, Michelle Williams Time: 2 hrs 4 mins Rating: R

Plot: When suburban theater director Caden Cotard’s life begins to unravel in a very unconventional way, his ambitions to create an original work arise. This is the story of a man whose self-consciousness and self-awareness are constantly playing tug of war. As a result, he attempts to stage a large-scale production of the brutality honest living provides. The lens through which we see his deteriorating world is nuanced by none other than the eccentric Charlie Kaufman.

Who’s It For? People with patience. People who allow directors to present inexplicable realities that merge with reality. If you liked Being John Malkovich, but you weren’t sure what it was about, this is probably the film for you. Kaufman has a talent to make you care about something you may not understand. Those who prefer a linear tale with a Hollywood ending should find any other two-hour excursion.

Nov 6
Nov 6 Role Models

Role Models Directed by: David Wain Cast: Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott, Christopher Mintz-Plasse, Bobb’e J. Thompson Time: 1 hr 35 min Rating: R

Plot: Two energy drink reps (Paul Rudd, Seann William Scott) get into trouble with the law, and they agree to spend time with troubled kids in order to avoid 30 days in jail. Danny Donahue (Rudd) is assigned to the D&D worshipping Augie (Christoper Mintz-Plasse) and Wheeler (Scott) is assigned to pint-sized terror Ronnie (Bobb’e J. Thompson).

Who’s It For? Anyone over 18 years old with the emotional maturity of a 15 year old, such as myself. There are adult themes throughout, including nudity and language—most notably the f-bomb, which is dropped with cheerful frequency.

Expectations: Low, low, and lower still. I went in expecting another lame, diluted attempt at Superbad, and then

Nov 2
Nov 2 The Haunting of Molly Hartley

The Haunting of Molly Hartley Directed by: Mickey Liddell Cast: Haley Bennett, Jake Weber, Chace Crawford Time: 1 hr 30 mins Rating: PG-13

Plot: Seventeen-year old Molly (Bennett) slowly learns of the horrors that will happen to her on the day she turns eighteen.

Who's It For?: In the world of Molly Hartley, parents are trying to kill their children, religion is a super-lame idea forced upon by pesky, ugly fanatics, and more importantly - no one understands you. This movie is basically gasoline to the fiery angst burning within WASP-y teenagers who just got their braces. And while Nick and Norah was their Say Anything, this is their Exorcist.

Expectations: When I heard someone talking about this movie, they said it was like 2006's The Covenant. I became truly frightened - one time I had a

Oct 30
Oct 30 Zack and Miri Make a Porno

Zack and Miri Make a Porno Directed by: Kevin Smith Cast: Seth Rogan, Elizabeth Banks, Craig Robinson Time: approx 1 hr, 40 mins Rating: R

Plot: Two platonic, twenty-something roommates (Rogen and Banks) emerge from their 10-year high school reunion with dead-end jobs, a stack of unpaid bills and not-so-sterling reputations as the dregs of their generation. But, in a stroke of genius, they decide to produce their very own porno flick to help get the lights and water back on. What they don't expect is that inconvenient sexual tension, stemming from feelings they've been avoiding all their lives, to come bubbling to the surface. And I wish I meant "bubbling" metaphorically.

Who’s It For? Teens will love it, if only because Rogen is the star. But it depicts a lack of post-high school career trajectory

Oct 30
Oct 30 RocknRolla

RocknRolla Directed by: Guy Ritchie Cast: Gerard Butler, Tom Wilkinson, Thandie Newton, Jeremy Piven and Ludacris Running Time: 1 hr 55 mins Rating: R

Plot: Sometimes it's easier to actually do the things happening in Guy Ritchie plots than describe them. But here goes: members from the underground and the upper class become intertwined in an intricate scheme involving millions of dollars available from a real estate scam. Problems increase when "rocknrolla" Johnny Quid (Toby Kebbell) obtains a painting that Johnny's scam-involved father, Lenny Cole (Wilkinson), is also seeking.

Who’s It For? This one goes out to anyone who likes a little substance to their gritty rock 'em sock 'ems. This isn't a Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels or a Snatch., but it will pacify Guy Ritchie fans who share his enthusiasm for anti-gangsters that

Oct 30
Oct 30 I.O.U.S.A.

I.O.U.S.A Directed by: Patrick Creadon Time: 1 hour and 15 mins Rating: Documentary, unrated

I.O.U.S.A--or, as I like to call it, Saw 5 for Grownups--might just be the scariest movie I've seen in a long, long time. The documentary deconstructs and explains each little aspect of this Nation's skyrocketing debt, and it does a splendid job. Usually, one would use the word "splendid" to describe a nice picnic on a sunny day, but in this context, "splendid" signifies "I miss my ignorance." Basically, if the government doesn't figure out how to balance its checkbook sooner than later, it's all going to hell in a handbasket and our country will collapse and the next few generations will end up having to pay a 50 to 75 percent income tax...truly. Seriously about the 50 to 75

Oct 30
Oct 30 Fear(s) of the Dark

Fear(s) of the Dark Directed by: Blutch, Charles Burns, Marie Caillou, Pierre Di Sciullo, Lorenzo Mattotti, Richard McGuire Cast: uncredited Time: 1hr 25 mins Rating: Not yet rated

Plot:

Fear(s) of the Dark is made up of a series of black-and-white animation sequences depicting the horror of the unknown. One is about a college student whose childhood obsession with insects comes back to bite him (literally). Another short centers on a Japanese girl forced to relive her nightmares until they actually come true. The final story is about a man who stumbles on the wrong wayward house in a snowstorm, and the terrors he finds there. Each story is strung together by abstract narration, and the chilling images of a man releasing his vicious dogs to do his bidding.

Who’s It For?

It isn't a Walt Disney Pictures production, so there is virtually no appeal for children. It's also not for people who demand a clear story line. Connecting each story, and figuring out each story's layered meaning, may prove too much work for many.

Expectations:

Without looking too far into it, I expected something dark and twisted, which is usually a good thing for me. What I didn't expect was just how dense its message actually is ... allegedly. I still haven't figured it out.

Oct 30
Oct 30 Ballast