The Twilight Saga: New Moon

new_moon_poster_--_officialQuickcard Review

The Twilight Saga: New Moon

Directed by: Chris Weitz
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Michael Sheen
Running Time: 2 hrs 10 mins
Rating: PG-13
Release Date: November 20, 2009

PLOT: Edward (Pattinson) decides he must leave Bella (Stewart) to keep her safe. Bella finds a new relationship with Jacob (Lautner), a family friend, who turns out to be a werewolf.

WHO’S IT FOR? If you’re a twi-hard then you have already raced to the end of this review to see if I’m on the team that hates or loves this franchise. And the stereotype is that you are a teenage girl. Or wish you still were.

Complete coverage of The Twilight Saga: New Moon

McLaughlin’s TSR – 8/10
Allen’s TSR – 4/10
He Said – She Said … The Twilight Saga: New Moon

OVERALL

Let’s get past the fan obsession. Let’s get past dreamboats, and who is dating whom. Let’s get past Team Edward, Team Jacob and Team Bella (like Switzerland from what I understand). Forget the swooning you’ll hear in the theater. Let’s get past if this is an authentic adaptation of the second novel in the “Twilight” series. Let’s not pay attention to box office numbers, and whether that equals quality. We’re only going to pay attention to the film and whether it’s good, or bad. Can we do that people?

This is a film that hinges on two big events. Our first one is a paper cut. After Bella and Edward finally realize they can’t live without each other in the first film, Bella gets a paper cut and this changes everything. Suddenly, Edward now fully understands that he and Bella shouldn’t be together. Vampires and humans just don’t mix. A paper cut.

This leads to an unbelievable break up that Bella believes. Time passes and there is some fun with Bella’s friends. Jessica (Anna Kendrick) gives us a typical teen friend and Mike (Michael Welch) gives us a typical teen crush. Both give us an escape from the supposed romance of a lifetime. Beyond that we have Jacob slowly coming into form. Muscles abound. Shirts come off. New feelings emerge. Can you imagine how many jean shorts these guys must go through? Insane costs. Jacob’s secret is that he’s a big furry beast (werewolf). Bella seems shocked … surprising for a girl who crushes on a vampire.

This leads to big event number two. In an odd crank call, confusing phone message between Edward and Jacob … Edward now wants to head to the Volturi (an important group of vampires) and off himself. I won’t get into all the details here in case you want to go in fresh. But it’s a phone call.

So we’ve got a paper cut and a phone call … and a romance that never feels as big as the movie tries to make it seem. There are moments, like a vampire fight in Italy, and hints of what is to come, but in its current form, we have a teenage romance that has turned into a love triangle. It’s just a passion that not everyone is allowed to see, unless you dive into that first paragraph of information up above. And for most, that’s not something we’re willing to do. And therefore, the movies remain mild, average, and occasionally interesting.

FINAL SCORE: 5/10

7 Comments

  1. Dannielle says:

    that is a good report not to much detail but just enough

  2. ReginaFelangi says:

    The cheese factor in this movie is off the scale. Sparkly vampires. Werewolves that run around in jorts and eat muffins. Seriously? How did this movie make 140 million on opening weekend?

  3. madison says:

    wow not enough info

  4. Kitt says:

    I completely agree with you about the paper cut! It makes no sense, in the first movie she was attacked by other vampires, and he almost sucked the life out of her in a ballet studio, and somehow a paper cut is a big deal?

  5. Anna says:

    This review is hilarious. I agree though. Those were the two main points in the story, which is quite sad. It seems that the Twilight Saga over-exaggerates everything.

  6. brian says:

    all i could think about after seeing this movie was how boring both bella and edward are. why do they like each other so much? he likes how she smells. she has a thing for tortured souls. he likes not being able to read her mind. she apparently appreciates guys who don’t make eye contact when they talk. an eternity of this seems painful. i’d say they’re divorced by 2011.

  7. Lymarg says:

    Heh! After hearing the BOOM that caused the Twilight saga, i decided to read the books (all of them). I thought they were OK but not THAT good, so i just forgot about them. When i Heard about the first film, my fist thought was OH oh. After i saw the first movie, i thought ” They just can’t think about making another movie of this, is even worsening the books”. And now this. sigh. I don’t understand WHY people like this saga so much, as Brian said, the couple is BORING, Bella is sluggish, clumsy to no end, and… did i said she’s boring? . Edward is a chivalry-gentlemanly-masochist guy, and for a vampire who’s been living hundreds of years not very convincing in my opinion, the only cool thing about him is that he can read minds.

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