We start the Top 7. You finish the Top 10.
This week’s releases feature the one-two punch of World War Z and Monsters University. While I’m convinced that World War Z will only be remembered for being that one zombie film that cost a billion dollars to make and starred Brad Pitt, I think Monsters University has a real shot at reigniting the Pixar brand after a string of disappointing releases.
Did you ever sit around with your friends late at night and contemplate dumb situations? Did you discuss the ins and outs of how Star Trek and Star Wars could possibly coexist within the universe? Have you ever wondered which romantic comedy characters would die first on a desert island? If so, then this list is definitely for you.
In honor of both zombies and Pixar, I’ve combined the two subjects to create a crossover list for the ages. I’m well aware that many of the Pixar characters simply can’t, biologically speaking, be turned into zombies and therefore should automatically be placed higher than others. Listen, just because something or someone can’t be turned into a zombie, doesn’t mean it could effectively survive the zombie apocalypse. There’s all sorts of situations to consider such as mental stability, hunger, and group utility. As you’ll see with the following list I carefully thought about this ridiculous survival scenario in painstaking detail. So here you go, the TOP 7 Pixar Characters Most Likely to Survive the Zombie Apocalypse.
7. Buzz Lightyear from Toy Story (1995)
Key Characteristics: Immunity to virus due to being made of mostly plastic. Small and easy to hide with potentially great survivability skills that rival MacGyver, but ya know in toy form. Weak assembly means vulnerability in high impact situations. Susceptibility to mind control.
Reason: This is a tricky one. Technically it’s established in the Toy Story universe that these characters are indeed nothing but toys. Objects made of shiny plastic designed with the sole purpose of entertaining a child. By that logic Buzz doesn’t have a great chance at living through a zombie invasion. His small stature and weak composition make for someone not cut out for life outside of a home much less a world taken over by zombies. Toys will be the first to be forgotten and abandoned, instead replaced by the need for food and more meaningful heirlooms such as pictures, music boxes and Prince records (the good ones anyway).
You might be asking, “why the hell did you even bother putting him on here?” I’m so glad you asked. Here’s the situation with Toy Story. There are sort of these two parallel worlds working with each other. The real world where these toys are nothing but plastic and the world that we don’t really get to see until Toy Story 3. The world of Andy’s imagination. Since the zombie apocalypse is hypothetical (ha, inevitable), why can’t Andy’s imagination also be a hypothetical reality within the universe of the Toy Story films?
In this world, Buzz Lightyear is basically a god. He has a spacesuit that allows him to fly and shoot freakin’ laser beams out of his arms. Coupled with already demonstrated survivability skills from the movies and a keen sense of heroism, Buzz would have a field day during the zombie apocalypse. He’s perfect leadership material and that’s exactly what a roving band of survivors would need.
6. Lightning McQueen from “Cars” (2006)
Key Characteristics: Speed. He’s (it’s?) a charismatic, talking car. Immunity to virus due to being made mostly of metal. Kids love him. Runs on a limited fuel source.
Reason: Even though his movie isn’t good, Lightning McQueen is in a pretty much perfect position if the undead should ever rule this planet. He’s a car so clearly he won’t have any issues with the virus unless of course the Cars universe has zombie cars. Just thinking about that gives me a headache, so we’ll pretend that these are traditional humanoid/creature zombies we’re talking about. Since McQueen is a self-propelled car he can get anywhere he wants as fast as he wants running over as many zombies as he wants. Self defense isn’t a problem and his smooth talking personality will fit in well with whatever remains of humanity.
He’s useful on scouting and recovery missions not to mention a glorified hoot with the kids. With no more entertainment in the apocalyptic zombie infested wasteland he’s sure to be “kachow”ed out in no time. Being a celebrity is also a bullseye as there might be some crazies roaming out to catch themselves a bonafide picture car. Also, his mechanical composition could be a detriment to long term survival as his parts might be stripped while sleeping (trust me, they sleep) or he could run out of fuel. Unless someone is there to push Lightning along, he’s doomed to a fate of a slow, painful, and lonely decomposition.
5. Merida from “Brave” (2012)
Key Characteristics: Expert marksmanship. Strong willed with a fiercely independent spirit. Vulnerable to virus as a human being. Striking hair color makes her an easy target for zombies.
Reason: Brave’s one redeeming aspect is the fact that it introduced an incredibly strong and physically capable female character to the masses. Merida is actually the most traditional zombie survivor out of this entire list. Her archery skills allow her to utilize natural resources effectively for additional ammunition and repairs. It helps that she’s an expert markswoman with enough confidence and self assurance to adequately survive the physical challenges presented by an apocalyptic scenario. Her intense independence could help or harm her depending on how it’s controlled and used.
To any survivor group, Merida is insanely useful not just from a defense perspective but also due to her familiarity with the magical dark arts. While it’s unclear whether Merida herself can use magic, she at least has an advantage on the others who may not understand exactly what’s happening. At the end of the day she is only human. She will get tired and malnutrition could take it’s toll quickly leaving her even more susceptible to a sneak attack by zombie and human alike. Based on previous actions, Merida’s risky choices often lead to putting others in danger. She’ll need to keep this in check if she wishes to stay in good company.
4. Remy from “Ratatouille” (2007)
Key Characteristics: Small in size. Rats are extremely vulnerable to diseases. Weak body structure. Excellent cooking skills. Moderate human communication skills.
Reason: Remy’s a rat so that might initially make him weaker than most of the subjects on this list. Rats are feeble creatures that are known for carrying disease and pestering a majority of the human population. They are not in good standing with humanity in general and would likely be killed on sight. However, Remy ‘s human communication skills are slightly better than the average rat due to the events of Ratatouille. Although this won’t help him in general, his ability to think quickly on his feet will come in handy during escape situations. He’s convinced one human already of his value, I’d be surprised if he couldn’t do it again.
The most useful skill in Remy’s arsenal is his insanely amazing cooking ability. If he was a human these cooking skills would be unbelievable, as a rat he could eat like a king until he died of old age. Even during the apocalypse I have no doubt that each meal will be a feast of strange but delicious concoctions featuring expired Coke, twinkies and beans. His usefulness in groups is unparalleled by filling a valuable niche in a very tough world. You may not be able to talk to him but he knows what’s good, just trust him.
3. Mike and Sully from “Monsters, Inc.” (2001)
Key Characteristics: Ability to travel between different worlds. Unknown reaction to virus. Superior strength and intelligence means higher survivability. Ferocious appearance allows for deceptive assimilation amongst hostile undead. Weakness to adorable children.
Reason: While Mike is clearly the brains of the operation and Sully is obviously the muscle, it really comes down to the great teamwork between the two that will allow them to survive the zombie apocalypse. When their backs are against the wall, these hall of fame frighteners really shine with incredible resourcefulness and perseverance. Unfortunately since the two are monsters, their reaction to the virus is unknown which makes for a wild card situation if one of them were bit by the infected. It’s quite possible that infected Mike and Sully could be even worse than the zombies themselves!
The best friends also have an ace in the hole with access to a monster world that is loosely connected with our own. Through a complicated process, monsters from their world cross over to ours by the use of a strange door mechanism. This brings up an interesting situation in that Mike and Sully are the potential saviors of humanity in an apocalyptic scenario. The monsters need humanity to supply their fuel (scares) and without humanity they will quickly run out of their most precious resource, it’s possible that humanity could be taken in by the monsters thereby saving both races. This is all theoretical as much of the details surrounding the connections between the world is unclear. Either way we should probably start the negotiations as soon as possible. Better to be safe than sorry.
2. EVE from “WALL-E” (2008)
Key Characteristics: Synthetic composition provides invulnerability to the virus. Advanced weaponry provides a massive boost in defense. Somewhat dependent on human beings for direction and process. Ability to store useful resources for future use. Robotic life mate to the cutest robot in the Universe.
Reason: EVE is really good at blowing stuff up. She’s armed with a massive arm laser cannon that can destroy just about anything. While being overwhelmed in numbers is certainly a possibility, it would take a huge amount of zombies to even come close to putting a dent in EVE. WALL-E establishes that many of these robots are designed to last a long time in order to perform their assigned duties. EVE’s longevity is off the charts and if humanity can survive through the apocalypse she would be integral to the rebuilding process due to the ability of storing useful resources over long periods of time. It’s also sort of a package deal with WALL-E, the Universe’s most adorable robot, likely being around for assistance and dating advice.
EVE’s programming is a bit worrisome in that she is so dependent on human control and directive that it’s possible she wouldn’t last long without guidance. It’s true that at the end of WALL-E she becomes a bit more self aware but even then she is sort of dependent on her robot lover for support. When by herself EVE could be a hazard not only to herself but anyone who’s left alive. Even with that in mind, out of any of the choices on this list EVE is the best chance for humanity’s continued survival on Earth. Let’s hope she doesn’t decide to go all Skynet on us.
1. The Incredibles from “The Incredibles” (2004)
Key Characteristics: Superhuman abilities such as strength, speed, force field generation, invisibility, and elasticity. Cohesive family unit. Exceptional teamwork skills. Vulnerability to virus. Advanced technology. A godlike infant son/brother.
Reason: Pixar’s superhero family is the group of characters most likely to survive the zombie apocalypse. Their overall skill set equals if not surpasses many of the other choices on this list. Sure, they could technically still be turned into zombies but that comes with the territory of being humans, no matter how super. From stealth to speed to brute force, each family member has excellent survival skills derived from their superpowers. Together they would be a huge asset to any survivor group but more importantly they could make it on their own.
There’s an important quality that the Incredibles possess that no one else on the list comes even close to having. Family. They have each other. No matter what might happen, the kids have their parents and the parents have their kids. Many people who find themselves in the middle of an undead uprising lose their family within a few hours. All hope is lost and they suffer because of it. I’m not saying the Incredibles will be invincible to situations like hunger, depression, boredom, or cannibalistic humans out for blood. The point is that they work so well together precisely because they are so close as a family. They’ve been through hell and back already, a zombie apocalypse isn’t likely to change the dynamic.
It’s interesting that of all the characters on this list including a talking car, a futuristic robot and a duo of frightening monsters that the humans are the most likely to survive. OK, they are technically superhuman but human nonetheless. It speaks to the fighting spirit of humanity and the power of a tight knit family. That and it helps to have a superpowered baby who can teleport and breathe fire.